As I was riding home last night up Winsley Hill, and a car overtook me on the blind turn at the top unable to see that a car was coming in the other direction, I saw a curious thing.
As the road space left to me rapidly diminished and I quickly made my peace with the universe, I had a momentary vision of a Rabbit by the roadside illuminated in the headlight’s glare. It’s eyes flashed like fire as it’s shaking body quivered ready to run into the road.
It was at that point that I thought, “Go on run into the road, you crazy bastard! I dare you! I will cut you in half if you get in my motherhugging way! I don’t care if I orphan your thirty five children! You mean nothing to me, do you hear? Nothing! NOTHING!!”
This morning as I was locking up my bike at work, I was surprised to hear a strange whirring and honking noise in sky.
Looking up I saw five massive swans flapping in formation on some sort of low level migration route. Maybe they were a family group, all together heading for warmer climes and sunnier feeding grounds. Long necks outstretched, calling encouragement to each other, they made their slow, but graceful way across the grey misty firmament.
All I could think of as they careered dangerously out of view was how do those fat bastards stay in the air?
I was riding down the canal the other day on my way to work, when a deer came out onto the path ahead of me.
To my surprise it went into the water and swam across. I drew level with it and watched it’s ungainly paddle and then it’s scramble up the other side.
It stood there shaking itself dry, then it noticed me and gracefully leapt a hedge. It turned and peeked at me, snorted in what I think was derision, and wandered off.
What a fugging a-hole.