Hello! Today I am doing a multiple choice questionnaire because it is easy and fills up loads of space. Don’t be frightened of what you may find about yourself, have a go!

1.You are watching that effin Noddy CGI cartoon crap on a Sunday morning because your son has turned it over from Match of the Day ’cause he says that football is just a pile of boring monkey cack, and Noddy has just driven his little stupid car too fast past Bumpy Dog and splashed that corrupt cop PC Plod with mud. Do you think Noddy should:

A: Stop the car and see if Bumpy is Ok and offer to give Plod a good polish.

B: Flip them all The Bird and shout out of his window, “HAR!HAR! Get out of my way you loser! Do you want me to run you over?!” (actual quote)

C: U-Turn and finish the job.

2. Look at the photo below. Go on, look at it, LOOK AT IT!

Do you think:

A: HOLY SHEEEEEEET! Poor Noddy and Bumpy!

B: HAR!HAR! Stupid effing Noddy and that wonker of a mutt got what was coming to them! YEE-HAAAAR!

C: That’s a start. Now finish the job.

3. You’re on your push bike going around a blind curve and that ass hat Noddy in a car decides he needs to be past you now, do you:

A: Carry on riding regardless of what other road users wish to do, even though you are slowing everyone down, you selfish muthafurger.

B: Veer wildly all over the road in fear and terror screaming at the top of your lungs “Hit me! Please hit me! I want to die! I can’t stand the horror any longer! YAAAAARRRGGG!” (actual quote)

C: Stop your pathetically outmoded form of transport in the middle of the road and start punching stuff.

4. You see Noddy walking Bumpy Dog down the canal path. Do you:

A: Slow your bicycle to let them pass allowing Bumpy Dog to totally eff you up with his rabid munchers whilst Noddy laughs, the bell on this hat ringing like the bells at your funeral.

B: Speed up, take the dog out first and then run Noddy into the black greasy water of the canal.

C: Immediately get yourself sectioned again.

If you scored mainly A’s, you are a total wuss who will not last 2 seconds out there before some company car driving sociopath makes you his latest trophy.

If you scored mainly B’s you are a perfect road user, well suited to today’s busy lifestyle. This is one rat race you’re going to win!

If you scored mainly C’s, please turn yourself in. Life and Death is not for you to decide, unless that is what you want, then that’s fine with me! Please spare me, I want to live!

Remember, the roads are “the Country’s arteries”, you can tell that by the blood all over them.


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