Flatso

I saw something on my way to work the other day that filled me with almost total horror, fear and despair.

I have grown unfortunately accustomed to seeing the small things of this world cruelly, but justly squished on the roads (after all, they really shouldn’t be there, they pay no Road Tax after all), their bloody and torn bone-heaps littering my journeys. Avoiding their effed up carcasses can be quite a hazard. Many is the time I’ve quietly chuckled to myself as I swerve to bypass skidding in badger brains only to get in the busy traffic’s way. “Watch out, wouldn’t want me to join my flatmates on the road there!” I guffaw  to myself like an insane man.

Unquestionably, the most horrific of these victims to stupidity was one little fella I saw near to where I work down Brassmill Lane in Bath. I could see something small coming out of the road in front of me. Yes, coming out of the road! A gaping mouth (that is a bit of a theme with these guys), and arms outstretched, it was a squirrel that looked as if it was rising from the bowels of Hell itself. Squirrels are kind of grey coloured, as their name suggests I guess, and this chump was no exception. In fact, kind of road coloured. His back half had been so flattened that it looked like part of the road. Like some tarmac-based terminator reforming and then stopping reforming due to death, little nut-kins was frozen in a pose of not-quite-leaping to safety.

And all I could think about as I looked down at his sad, confused, frightened, hellish eyes was, “That’s one squirrel who’s lost his nuts.”

More horror than I can cope with. RECONSTRUCTION.


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