Mercedes No-Class

I recently had to travel on my trusty brand new state of the art push bike to my Dad’s house in Melksham from my home in Winsley.

I decided that the scenic route would be best as going on the main roads has certain perils that I wont go into here.  Part of the journey goes on the bridal-path past Great Chalfield Manor. Such a beautiful, but deeply rutted and muddy-puddled roadlet to traverse. The cosy tree-lined path opens up to wide, exposed fields at one point where it then resembles a WW1 trench.

Imagine my utter horror, despair and fear when I saw a Mercedes S Class coming towards me. Anyone unfamiliar with these penis extensions I have included a picture of one below. Now, we are talking a very muddy path here and I was very concerned that the man driving the car had got lost and now his shiny lovely automobile was getting very dirty. Very. He showed no sigh of slowing though, in fact his headlights came on full beam and he seemed to accelerate towards me.


Something must have got him spooked.

I pulled over as far as I could to let him pass. I thought I would get a cheery wave of thanks for my actions, but all I received was an impassive, stoney glare. What had terrified this man to the extent that he would carelessly drive towards me like I was a school kid at a zebra crossing?

He drew alongside of me and proceeded to splash down into some large mud pools, the contents of which, luckily I stopped going over the verge (I can’t abide a messy verge) with my legs and body parts. He looked down at me and then drove on at speed. 

I scanned the horizon to see if there was anything in pursuit, and to my hideous horror I saw something that filled me with horror of a hideous kind. 

Now, I can’t be 100% sure of what I saw, I may have been mistaken, but outlined against the brooding sky was the outline of an enormous deers head and antlers! 

Other people have pointed out to me that this could well have been an old lightening-hit tree in the field, but I can see no other explanation for the driver’s actions.

It must have been the ghost of the deer from yesterday’s post still pursuing his earthly car-based murder supplier!



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